MISS CAST AWAY & THE ISLAND GIRLS (2004)
“Miss Cast Away & the Island Girls,” a 2004 spoof comedy written and directed by Bryan Michael Stoller, follows a plane full of beauty pageant contestants crash-landing on a deserted island. The story kicks off with pilot Mike Saunders (Eric Roberts) and co-pilot Max Powers (Charlie Schlatter) flying the “Miss Big Planet” contestants to Japan when a storm—caused by a pig-shaped cloud—downs their plane near Bikini Atoll. The survivors, including pageant hopefuls Julie (Evan Marriott) and Friday (Marie Matiko), wash ashore with a Noah’s Ark of animals, including two escaped pigs, setting up a bizarre survival tale.
The island hides secrets: a cave with a giant ape skeleton, a tribe of monkey-worshipping natives, and Agent MJ (Stuart Pankin), a government operative hunting the pigs—carriers of a virus from a 1950s nuke test. Mike, a bumbling everyman, leads the group, clashing with Max, who lusts after the women, while Julie pines for rescue. The plot veers into absurdity with Jurassic Park nods—a T-Rex chases them—and a Vatican subplot where priests (Jerry Lewis, in a cameo) track the ark’s animals, believing Mike’s a prophet. The natives crown Mike their king, sparking a dance-off, before MJ’s team arrives, revealing the pigs’ threat.
In a chaotic climax, Mike and the girls fend off dinosaurs and soldiers, escaping via a raft as MJ sacrifices himself to stop the virus. The Vatican blesses their return, and Mike wins Julie’s heart. Shot on a shoestring, the film’s cheap effects—rubber monsters, shaky CGI—and random gags (Michael Jackson as MJ) scream low-rent parody. Critics trashed its disjointed humor and dated pop culture jabs, but its earnest weirdness—bolstered by Roberts’ deadpan and Lewis’ oddball turn—earns it cult curiosity status. It’s a gloriously dumb riff on disaster flicks and reality TV.
